You all get them, those joke emails that circulate amongst your friends.
There is one person who sends more than her fair share!

Men Vs Women - language barrier

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female - Any part under a car's hood.
Male - The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female - Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male - Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female - The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male - Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female - A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male - Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female - A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male - Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female - An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male - A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female - A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male - A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

A groaner

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?"
The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.
The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie, and then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie.
The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says, "A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman."
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending, the barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year.
In walks the rabbit and says, "A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman," smiling and accepting the tributes of the masses.
The barman says, "I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties."
The rabbit looks aghast, and the crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, "We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie."
The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, "Are you sure I will like it"? The masses are silent, with bated breath.
The barman, with a roguish smile says, "Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends? I know you'll love it."
"OK." says the rabbit, "I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie."
The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie, he then waves to the crowd and leaves.
NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later in the now impoverished public house, the barman (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his) calls time.
When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar. The barman says,
"Who are you?" To which he is answered, "I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house."
The barman says, "I remember you, you made me famous, you would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie; masses came to see you and this place was famous."
The rabbit says, "Yes I know."
The barman said, "I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties, you had a Cheese and Onion one instead."
The rabbit said "Yes, you promised me that I would love it."
The barman said "You never came back, after that fateful night, what happened?"
"I DIED", said the Rabbit.
"Blimey" said the barman, "what from?"

After a short pause .........

........... or possibly a long pause

The rabbit said ......

"Mixing me toasties." That's the worst case of myxamatosis I've seen.

One of several exams

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word " benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.